“People who never do actions only they don’t receive criticism,” one of my mentors said once.
And it was a game-changing phrase for me. Since then, I stopped feeling pain when I receive criticism.
Usually, we all use criticism in our daily life. Probably very few people are able to give constructive and positive feedback all day long or are able to be fully assertive during the whole year. Even if you are trained very well in how to give feedback and express your feelings and needs, probably there are some moments during the day or the weeks when you are tired, the level of self-control is less and instead of feedback, you use critics. The same could happen with people around you.
We cannot change others. We can change how we experience what comes to us. We can train other people how to communicate with us by telling them what we don’t like and how exactly we would like them to communicate with us, but many people do not want to change at all.
What can we do in such cases?
Based on my personal and professional experience, here I would like to give some guidance on how to cope if the criticism is painful for you.
Do you want to try it?
I invite you to think about a situation when you have received criticism and it was painful for you… If you have it, let’s start:
First step
What you need to do is to feel the pain caused by this criticism. Allow yourself to feel this pain without reacting. Just feel it. Usually, we receive criticism because we said something or we did or didn’t do something.
Second step
- Now think about what was this for which you received criticism – a skill or behavior?
- Now separate yourself from it. Imagine that you as a person are separated from this skill or behavior. You can imagine the skill or behavior next to you giving them a special form.
- And now you remain only you. The skill or behavior is next to you.
Third step
We need to clarify again the situation by looking over it when we are separated from the skill or the behavior. Ask yourself:
- Why I received this criticism?
- What did I do or didn’t do?
- And again, is this a skill or behavior?
Fourth step
Imagine that the criticism goes to the skill and behavior. It is not directed to you as a personality. It goes direct to them.
- How do you feel now?
- Is it better?
I hope your answer is “yes, it is”.
Fifth step
Ask yourself:
- What can I do differently the next time?
- How can I improve my skill or behavior?
If you still feel not very well, probably you need to do something to improve your confidence in yourself as a person.
It is a process and I help people regain their healthy confidence with ease.
To learn more, connect with me here.
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I appreciate your comments and questions.
Have a great day!
Ivet
