A few months ago, a leader contacted me because they felt exhausted from having the same conversation with a key employee over and over again.
What initially appeared to be a performance issue was gradually affecting the leader’s effectiveness as well.
– Frustration was building, emotions were taking longer to process, and work was increasingly spilling into evenings just to keep projects on track.
This is far from an isolated case. In different forms, similar situations regularly emerge in the coaching conversations I have with leaders and founders.
I have seen the same pattern from different perspectives throughout my career – both in corporate environments and in my coaching work.
Many managers respond to situations like this by focusing on changing the employee.
Sometimes that is necessary. But sometimes the real opportunity lies elsewhere.
Instead of focusing on replacing the employee, this leader asked a different question:
- “How can I grow as a leader through this situation?”
That question changed everything.
Over four coaching sessions, we explored the emotional patterns being activated in these interactions and developed a different leadership approach – one that created more clarity, accountability, support, and opportunities for growth for both the leader and the team member.
As we explored the situation more deeply, something important became clear:
– The situation looked like a performance problem. But it wasn’t.
What was repeating was not only the conversation:
– The frustration was repeating.
– The emotional reaction was repeating.
– The leadership response was repeating.
These patterns were influencing the way the leader approached conversations with the team member.
At the same time, the leader realized that this approach was affecting the employee’s confidence. As confidence decreased, the employee began seeking more reassurance and guidance, which in turn created even more frustration for the leader.
A self-reinforcing cycle had emerged.
✨Many of the situations that consume our time, energy, and focus are not isolated events. They are recurring patterns. And the more pressure we are under, the more likely we are to repeat them.
- Sometimes a different result begins with a different leadership style.
This is one of the reasons I have been exploring the topic of recurring patterns in leadership and business. They often cost us far more than we realize – time, energy, effectiveness, opportunities, and sometimes even valuable people.
Last week I spoke about this topic during a webinar for business leaders and founders.
I will continue exploring it in future articles, case studies, and webinars.
✨ If this resonates with you, feel free to follow me in LinkedIn and Facebook.
❓ Have you ever experienced a situation that keeps repeating itself despite your efforts to resolve it?
